Skip to main content

Fear Thou Not

Somewhere around the turn of the New Year, thoughts about fear kept weaving themselves through the fabric of prayers, experiences and conversations that make up the living, breathing fabric of Life. I suddenly stepped back and saw a greater pattern in mine. I saw some of the ways that fear has dictated my thinking and guided my decision making process. 


Fear dominated much of the way I approached my faith.

Fear snuck its way into my thoughts about femininity.

Fear told me to hold back reserves even in my deepest friendships. 

Fear kept me from following. 

Fear had my hopes for the future locked up tight in cages. 



But something has been shaking loose. 


"Be a Lamp. Or a Lifeboat. Or a Ladder. Help someone's soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd."  - Rumi


The BIG parts of life and death keep hitting me like a Mack truck. Rather than be the sad llama who feels oh so sorry for herself, I want to be the little big me, who puts one foot in front of the other and is a lamp, lifeboat, or ladder. 


Because fear damages our souls when it keeps us from looking at other people. It keeps fixated on our belly buttons, it would have us stay under false phosphorescent lamps rather than enter the darkness with a candle, steers us away from the storm-wrecked lives of those who need help, and tells us that the heights are only for those who are not grounded in reality.



Even worse is the way that fear has us lock up our questions about God and faith into neat little boxes rather than let our hearts be honest, clear, and messy. One thing I learned this year was to be unafraid of asking my questions. Because sometimes, our spiritual lives are more like a shouting match, than the traditional and celebrated "quiet time."


And when the storm is at its loudest point, and the winds of disappointment whisper that darkness and despair are all that is left, THAT is when we see the figure in the waves shouting back at us, "Hey! It's me. Fear Thou Not. I'm right here. Let me get into that boat and ride this storm out with you." [John 6:17-21]





Fear Thou Not. 



I say it over and over again to myself, "Fear Thou Not."


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Home Visit in the Mountains

Two physical therapist and a nurse on a home visit, in a field. Feli our Quechua translator, Tajel and Stephanie (PTs) and our patient. He was paralyzed at the age of 14 and is wheelchair bound. We evaluated him under a tin roof while it was raining. Then his aunt brought us hand made cheese and toasted corn. The family farm, chakra (in Quechua) The cute donkey After our home visit we walked through Quinua Pampa a city up at 10,000 ft.
4 comments
Read more

I pick my boogers, therefore I GO

When I was unemployed and still trying to figure out what direction my life supposed to take, I spent a lot of time reading blogs. I don't know why I typed that sentence in past tense. I'm not currently employed within my profession, I will probably always be trying to figure out what direction to take, and I still  spend a lot of time reading blogs. This week I was reading one of my favorite writers, Jamie the Very Worst Missionary, when I came across something that was written by Jamie's husband, whom she likes to call "El Chupacabra." This post is called "Therefore GO" and can be read by clicking here. El Chupacabra points out that the verbs "to go" or "to come" appear more often in the Bible than any of the typical Christianese verbs (eg. to love, to pray, to worship etc...). El Chup talks about how our story is a story of movement. God doesn't usually pick a person out of the mass of humanity and then tell them to stay
3 comments
Read more

Let's be Real for a Second

I want to be real. Well, that’s only partially true. Here’s a statement that is a little closer to the truth.  I want to be real but also appear perfect, but also deep, deep down I want to be known. And because I want to be known, I know that I have to be real. I haven't done my taxes yet, my room is perpetually messy because I hate putting laundry away, and I swear more than you would like to think. Whew! So, here is a true confession. In the past week, I have had quite a few breakdowns. The first came quite unexpectedly, when I came home from Wednesday night with the kiddos at the church and was in a bad mood. I quickly retreated to my room and asked myself, “What the HECK?” (Truthfully, I did not say HECK but it started with H and had four letters) Then, I remembered... Breath in, breath out. It just so happens that I had been stuffing my emotions all day. In the morning I had a two hour conversation with a friend who has some tough stuff going on in her life, and then la
2 comments
Read more