Ale La (Go There)

Thankful. People have been using that word a lot this week. As it turns out, this time of year is a good time to look at all the things you have in your life, to count your blessings, to name them all, and then to celebrate. Lately, I've talked a lot about the emptiness that I sometimes feel. I've talked a lot about the open handed, bleeding kind of love. I've talked about my tendency to throw myself  pity parties and think " Why is life so hard ?" What has been missing from this narrative are the moments of deep thanks and satisfaction; the full moments, or thankful moments- if you like. The truth is that I usually feel like one really lucky girl. My friendships are the kind that you cross oceans for, the ones who let you cry on their shoulders, and the ones who give you pep talks but also tell it to you like it is. We celebrated friendship and life a few weeks ago when we all passed around Megan's baby. A baby! Our little friend group, our circl

On Monday I lit a candle and prayed about Faith, Hope and Love. It went something like this; “Let our Love keep burning when Faith and Hope flicker.” A beautiful prayer…  Except that my innermost being was saying something more like this. Ahem. “shit, shit, shit. F***” So, I guess that should be filed away with my other not so beautiful, and yet honest, prayers.  I also said to God, “I have nothing. And I have everything.” I didn't understand that statement but it felt real, and it kept coming up throughout the week. I had nothing and everything when my family sat together grieving, crying, and praying. When we called each other to see “how it was going,” and when other people outside of our immediate family asked to come and to BE there. You realize how many people you have when you really need them. Later in the week I walked with a dear friend. We were talking about singleness, and circling a reservoir while the stars and glow of