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Integrity and Fail bloging

If you are a family from the church, and you are reading this with your kids. Please be advised that I sometimes use adult language when I write, just like I sometimes swear when I pray. So, if you are going to read me out loud to your kids, please edit where you think you need to edit in order to keep it age appropriate.

Here is where this shit gets real.

For the last couple of weeks I have been praying about what it means to write with integrity.

When I say "praying" please don't picture me in a dark room, surrounded by candles, sitting criss-cross on my Bible, eyes closed, chanting and singing. Usually when I pray I am doing something like drinking tea, watering my plants, walking on a trail, throwing rocks, or driving and thinking crazy thoughts. For example, last Friday I was driving and praying, singing J-Bieber, and wondering what it would be like to live on a windmill farm in the California desert all at the same time. True story.


What does it mean to write with integrity? Well, I have come up with a few things. Here they are listed in no particular order.

Integrity means telling it like it happened, not how I wish it happened. I'm pretty sure that once I get put in a cross cultural setting, and all of my buttons are being pushed and I am sucking at Spanish WAY hard, that I am going to have some epic fails. I will be grumpy. I will say things the wrong way. I will accidentally call people names. I will say urinate instead of pray (the verbs are really close in Spanish, I kid you not). I will fail and I will need to tell someone. Am I going to confess all of my deepest darkest secrets on here? No. I have my accountability people for that. But, I do need to be free to tell you all, "Yeah, I messed up today. I need to get back up and try again."

Integrity can also have a sense of humor. It's therapeutic for me to be able to laugh at myself and my failures. When I have moments where I just realize how white bread I am, despite my best efforts to convince all of South America that I am a secret Latina, I need to step back and take myself unseriously (yes, I do realize that I just made that word up).

Integrity is writing with real emotion, even if that means talking about anger, hurt, or difficult questions. I know from experience that God can handle all of these. When I bring Him my questions, He meets me with His presence. I don't always have answers, but I have felt His presence reach me through it all. Questions are a real part of life, but God's presence is bigger.

So, I have a request to make of you. Come along with me. Let me blog my failures, my emotions, my occasional profanity, my mis-adventures, my misunderstanding of facts, and my sense of humor. I'm trying to write with integrity. Join me. Do you have questions, fear, anger, and hurt? Have you taken a few epic falls? Do you you just need to laugh at yourself? Join me.

Let's give this integrity thing a shot.

And, just because it's been a crazy day, here is another Haitian prayer.
Honesty. It's the best thing for a real relationship with God.

You are the one who made the super-moon,
The one who carves rocks and boulders,
The one who gives and gives until it hurts.

Today I hurt, but I remember You.
You said, "If this cup could pass from me."
You had real questions.
You walked it through
To the end.

Help me to follow in your footsteps,
To give even when it hurts,
To go when I feel fear
Like a waterfall, crashing down,
To the begining and end.
With you.


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