Don’t Tell the Other Moms

Mother’s Day 2018, I am in bed in my pajamas, drinking a semi-cooled cup of coffee from a llama mug, playing solitaire, completely alone in my house.

My husband and toddler went to church, without me. And, right after they left (because I am very holy and sanctified) I turned on the new Ali Wong special and laughed so hard that I sneezed 4 times in a row and then cried.

I did have a fleeting thought questioning if I should watch the comedy special or maybe do something- I don’t know- more reflective. But, here’s the thing. I’ve been doing a lot of work with the Enneagram lately, and as a part of this work I signed up to get daily reminders to check my inner thoughts/fears/motivations. So I get daily emails that remind me to let go of the need to prove my “worthiness” to others.

Today I woke up with a scratchy throat and achy body. Is this seasonal allergies or the beginning of a cold? I’m not sure. Also, yesterday we had a lot of people over. Plus, work has been a major crazy train for the last few months. There’s been more yelling and swearing than I am used to in the hospice world. The universe is spinning on a high stress axis, maybe, I don’t know.

Anyways, please don’t tell the other moms.




On Mother’s Day I feel pressure to receive a handpicked bouquet of wildflower/weeds and post a picture of it on Instagram, and to go to church and smile serenely, and to have my hair perfectly quaffed + a manicure that is not chipping- At the same time! But, today I’m taking a break from my own expectations, and from trying to please an imaginary audience.

I am an introvert. Therefore, enough alone time to pee, shower, and shave my legs all at once, is better than any box of chocolates.

I do feel it, that niggling voice behind my ears that says that I should be celebrating Mother’s Day by snuggling my son. So, shhh, don’t tell the other moms.




Even better, my husband bought tickets for me to go see Avengers: Infinity Wars this afternoon with my mother in law. Because he is a champion, he will stay home with the Frijo-toddler, AND make smoked meats for us to eat this afternoon upon our return. Hashtag- Imarriedthatguy. Hashtag- Iwillkeephim.

A lot of my plans for today seems to be taking me away from my kiddo, and I already spend a lot of time away from him during the week, and I brought 2 hours of charting home with me on Friday, and we are weaning, and MOM GUILT is so real.

“Don’t tell the other moms,” I found that I was saying that a lot this year, mostly when I felt guilty for something, and then wanted to deflect my feelings with a humorous tagline. Let’s face it. I am my own imaginary audience. If I don’t want to say it to you, than I already feel bad about it inside of myself. But I am learning that I tend towards an unhealthy sense of martyrdom, rather than a healthy balance of self-care. So, I’m limping forward.

My hope is that mothers everywhere can feel appreciated and loved in whatever way they need today, and that they wont feel like they have to whisper about it.



By the way, Ali Wong’s Hard Knock Wife special is hilarious and super inappropriate. This post is in no way an endorsement. It definitely earned its “mature audiences” rating. I thoroughly enjoyed it, AND, I’ll listen to the sermon tomorrow, because I love our church and I’m learning about Grace. But, first I’m going to go take a shower.

Hugs and <3 to everyone today, especially those who have mixed feelings and emotions about Mother’s Day.