Skip to main content

Tales of a Wandering Wild Child

In the middle of sorting through my fears, dreams, hopes, and future plans I have found an Eden.

The wildness is calling me.

Lately, on my days off I am outside.

I’m running the trails behind Fullerton. I am in the mountains with my family. I am pinching the flowering heads off of my basil plants, and leaning into and the rich, deep smell of homegrown tomatoes in the sunshine. When I’m inside, I’m wearing woolen hiking socks and T-Shirt that says “Go climb a rock.” I am smelling the left-over bonfire smoke in my hair and reading John Muir letters.

The wildernesses outside and inside collide.



Life is huge. It is full of things we do not understand. There are great joys and great tragedies. And sometimes in the rush and crush of overwhelming feelings we miss the grandiosity, the extravagance and joy. I think the unexplained wildness of creation may be the very thing that calls to our hearts, the trigger of creation and the intricate detail of our innermost cells. Calling, calling, calling. It echoes through the uncertainty.

Nature is lifeline that ties my soul to a greatness and goodness that is beyond me. 




Years ago my family was in Yosemite for the Thanksgiving holiday. We were hiking in the Sequoias- the great trees near the southern entrance to the park. My younger cousin was walking next to me holding my hand. In the trees and the mist of the low laying clouds, she asked me, “Who is older, the trees or God?” The big, red, towering trunks drew our souls upward. I answered, “Well, God made the trees. So, He must be older, right?” I think He must be bigger and older, and far beyond our understanding.





I don’t want to be afraid of uncertainty, of deep emotions or of what comes next So, I look at the rocks, the trees and the symmetry, perfection and vastness of nature and I rest. I imagine all things made new, the joy that comes in the morning, and the face of the one who set the stars up in the sky.


“Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.” –John Muir



Wildness heals, frees and strengthens our hearts, or at least it does for mine. 

Let's wander there for a little while together.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

We Must Weep

A few weeks ago the darkness took over the sky. Now, anytime after 3pm, you can feel the downward pull of gravity telling you to sink into your bones.The same week that the sky became dark in Massachusetts, the temperatures dropped and the dread of winter became a talking point in day-to-day conversation. People here have not recovered from the winter of 2015 when snow piled 9 feet high in the span of 6 weeks. There is a tension in their voice when they talk about shoveling and being stuck indoors.

I love the fall. I love the change of the sky to clear blue when the air becomes dry. I love the colors of the leaves and the quiet rain. But, this fall has not been restful but restless for me. Under the trees laden with wet leaves I have not found peace and quiet, but a silent roar of anger. It is too soon. Not enough. I am not ready.
*****
I can feel the vertigo of my sadness. Do not let anyone tell you that grief is not a physical process. Our bodies will tell us so many things if we l…

Don’t Tell the Other Moms

Mother’s Day 2018, I am in bed in my pajamas, drinking a semi-cooled cup of coffee from a llama mug, playing solitaire, completely alone in my house.

My husband and toddler went to church, without me. And, right after they left (because I am very holy and sanctified) I turned on the new Ali Wong special and laughed so hard that I sneezed 4 times in a row and then cried.

I did have a fleeting thought questioning if I should watch the comedy special or maybe do something- I don’t know- more reflective. But, here’s the thing. I’ve been doing a lot of work with the Enneagram lately, and as a part of this work I signed up to get daily reminders to check my inner thoughts/fears/motivations. So I get daily emails that remind me to let go of the need to prove my “worthiness” to others.

Today I woke up with a scratchy throat and achy body. Is this seasonal allergies or the beginning of a cold? I’m not sure. Also, yesterday we had a lot of people over. Plus, work has been a major crazy train f…

Grandma Penny and "This Love"

Grandma Penny is not my Grandma. But she is grandmother to several of my dear friends and great-grandmother to baby Lester, who calls me Tia, so that makes me feel as though we are related. On a deeper level, Grandma Penny is also a kind of spiritual grandmother. She and her husband led a Bible study that my parents went to when they were young, and so many of my memories of going to church growing up have her in the background with her hands raised and head bowed. We love so many of the same people, and, for so long, I have watched her love the same God.

Last November we were at baby Lester’s first birthday party, and there were many conversations swirling through the air. I had just come from the kitchen with my plate of food and sat down in a likely, out-of-the-way corner of the room. I was ready to eat quietly and watch all the people for a little bit when Grandma Penny suddenly reached across the inches of blue carpet that separated us and put her hand on my knee.
“How is your …