I don't know about you guys but I sometimes struggle with a lot of skepticism. But I have a working theory; God does stuff.
Christians talk about Faith, we talk about God, and we talk about God having a plan for our lives. However, oftentimes, if we're honest, we will admit that we have a hard time believing in God's plan for our lives. Even more frustrating is the fact that we often cannot see God's plan for our lives. So, how are we supposed to follow along with whatever that plan is?
These are the kinds of things I ask myself, and maybe you have asked yourself the same.
I really felt like the time I spent in Peru was put in front of me in a really obvious way. People talk about feeling "called" to do something, but for me it was more like there were no options here in California and as soon as I started to think about moving to Peru a world of possibilities exploded. Call it what you like. I felt like God DID something to take me to Peru where I was challenged and changed and hopefully grew further into the person I was made to be.
Now I am back in California, home on a sick day from my job.
Wait, what? Yes. You heard it. I have a job.
When I got back from Peru everything was fuzzy. It was overwhelming. I didn't have the energy to make important decisions. People kept asking me, "So, what's next?" "Are you going to be a missionary forever?" "How long are you going to be sticking around?" As much as I loved that people were taking an interest in my life, I just felt panicky.
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! I DON'T HAVE ANY PLANS! I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY OPTIONS ARE! Internally, I was yelling.
Externally, I smiled and said, "At this point I'm just spending time with my family and trying to readjust to normal life."
Because I did not know what to do, I asked God to make the next step really obvious. I asked Him to put something in front of me. Was I meant to work with another NGO for a longer period of time? Was I going to get a job here? Could it be that I needed to do something outside of nursing for a while? So many questions.
Here's the rundown on how I got THE JOB:
A friend called me and said, "Hey, the hospice company my mom works for is hiring. They really need Spanish speaking nurses. It could be a good fit for you. Think about it."
I called the hospice place and said, "I heard you guys are looking for nurses who speak Spanish." And sent them my resume.
They called me and wanted an interview.
During the interview I realized that I wanted this job, and that I would probably love working there. I hoped that they wanted me to work there too.
I waited a week.
They called me and offered me the job.
This brief and tidy synopsis does not include any of the inner freak outs, the fact that I was still taking the bus everywhere when I got this job, and how I almost missed my interview. Ask me about it sometime. It's a good story.
Hospice. What???? I never thought that I would end up working in hospice (hospice is set up to care for people who are dying). So, let's take a quick look at how this fits pretty well with who I am.
I love being in people's homes rather than the hospital.
I love it when I actually get to talk with people about their lives rather than just checking vitals, pushing buttons on machines, and giving medications.
I love it when I get to pray with people.
I love speaking Spanish.
Hospice is relational. It is holistic care that focuses on the emotional, physical and spiritual needs of a person. And the people I work with are wonderful. It is a lot of responsibility, and at times will be a heavy burden. But the last year of my life has been good preparation for all of that.
I look at this and I say, "God did something." I may not always see what He is doing. I may spend some of my days asking "Why?" I may take a little longer to have the answers than people expect. But, that is ok. God does stuff in my life, and sometimes He lets me take a sneak peak at what it is. As for the rest of the time when I don't know what He's doing? Well, I'm trying to be ok with that.
As Mother Theresa once said to a successful Western businessman who asked her to pray for clarity in his life, "Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of. I never had clarity. What I have always had is trust. So, I will pray that you trust God."